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I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?