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I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...