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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
So long pants! See you Monday!
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...