Daily Silly Status

i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine

Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."

My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.

I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?

The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.

Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years

When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.

I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.

so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!

There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.

My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice

Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.

Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.

I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."