Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she`s homeless.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?