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Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?