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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.