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The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.