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I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)