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Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.