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Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
i hate that the sun comes up so early