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Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.