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Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
Never trust a skinny chef
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO