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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Life`s tough. It`s tougher if you`re stupid...
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
Did you hear about the homeless guy that tried selling me meth?.... Yeah it was Bumcrack.