Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Iām not drunk, Iām just exhausted from drinking all night.
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.