Daily Silly Status

I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.

I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?

My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.

Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.

I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?

The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science

Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.

CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.

Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister

Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.

When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.

There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.

Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.

Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`

I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.