Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?