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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.