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Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
Bacon...need I say more
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s