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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun