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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.