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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.