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I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.