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To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
if you want me to go running with you, I´m going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."