Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.