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Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
I don`t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.