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Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…