Daily Silly Status

Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.

Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.

The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y

If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.

Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.

There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!

I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"

"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.

My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.

I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing

If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.

Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep

I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.

Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.

I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.