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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
There`s no WE in pizza.
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.