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I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves