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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
I’m just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness