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I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here