Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.