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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
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Don’t believe everything you think.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"