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All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.