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Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
Don`t believe everything you think.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.