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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.