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Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
Maybe there`s no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?