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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.