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Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?