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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
It needs more cowbell!!
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.