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I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
You can`t be late until you show up