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Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes