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I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.