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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch