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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.