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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about