Daily Silly Status

I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."

I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you

Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.

I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.

If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"

I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts

I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...

Don’t jump to confusions.

Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.

It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.

I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.

You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice

Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere

The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.

I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.