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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
It`s no fun if you have permission.