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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!