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Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
Find someone you`re good at.
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
Like if you really googled to see if that kid really died from masturbating
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.