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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-