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Little to no thought was put into this status.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
I checked my calendar, and I won`t give a f*ck tomorrow either.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.