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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
Iām on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.