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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work