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Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
If the shoe fits, buy it.
I was born to be happy… not normal.
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.