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I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
My life coach just benched me.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what