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Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
I`m never free but I`m available.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.