Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone