Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.