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FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!