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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas