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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!