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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.