Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes all you need is $100,000
wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...