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I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.