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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
when in Rome get naked ;)
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.