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Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"