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My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"