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How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.