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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.