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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.