Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.