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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.