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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
My cardio is shopping.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
I am used but in good condition.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.