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I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"