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I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.