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Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.