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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.