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3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.