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Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
I may be asking too much of this coffee.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis