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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.