Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?