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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
The only dates I get are updates.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
One of the saddest days of my life was when I heard that bears sleep for half the year and I realized I had been born the wrong species