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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over