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If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.