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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.