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Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..