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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.